Sweet or Sour, it’s Official

For generations, the Brandy Old Fashioned has been Wisconsin’s unofficial cocktail. That era came to an end on Thursday when the state Assembly made it our official cocktail.

No other state has singled out a specific drink as its certified favorite, so we are setting the precedent once again. Now Wisconsinites everywhere can perform a ceremonial toast. Or legally binding toast. Or, well, something.

The Brandy Old Fashioned is unique to our way of life here, so this measure does make sense. We were behind it from the jump for obvious reasons. We did, however, notice some changes with our mascot Happy, once word got around about the designation.

First, he started taking a few more selfies than usual, and then his signature smile began to morph into more of a duckface pout. Next, he started going on about trading in his sensible shoes for “a fire pair of limited edition Jordan 11s” that “drop” soon. Finally, after providing a list of up-and-coming French DJs that he wanted to spin at the DW Pub, we took action.

We cut off Happy’s Internet access and took him to the VFW and the bowling alley for what we called “Cultural Reprogramming.” After a couple of hours of intense Wisconsinization, he finally returned to his senses.

He scrapped his plans to spend spring break in Ibiza and returned the silk scarves he ordered online. Happy attributed his bout of unusual behavior to a tainted ice cube and assured us he would never let fame go to his lowball-glass head again.

We’re glad to have him back. And we’re proud to offer a key ingredient in Wisconsin’s official cocktail.