Free Lighthouse Available, Multiple Strings Attached

There’s a free lighthouse available in Superior, Wisconsin. You read that right: a FREE lighthouse.

The Superior Entry Lighthouse is classified as excess property for the Coast Guard and the Department of Homeland Security, so they’re giving it away for nothing.

When this news reached Drink Wisconsinbly World Headquarters, we immediately began making plans to expand our footprint to the northwest. Perhaps we’d open a new DW Pub or retail shop. Or maybe we’d turn the property into a corporate retreat to host our team-building events, executive strategy sessions, and massive, brandy-fueled parties. Then we read the fine print, and our enthusiasm sailed straight into the rocks.

Turns out that only federal, state, and local agencies, non-profit corporations, educational agencies, or community development organizations are eligible to score this 56-foot-tall freebie. And as we were sorting out how to spin Drink Wisconsinbly as a “community development organization,” we saw even more draconian rules.

Apparently, the government still needs unfettered access to this lighthouse, which they claim to no longer need. Can you believe that?

We realize a jetty on Lake Superior doesn’t count as international waters, but you sure don’t want The Man looking over your shoulder as you cut loose at your private lighthouse. Admittedly, we don’t know exactly what happens at a lighthouse party, but it seems like something best enjoyed far away from prying eyes.

And, if having the Army Corps of Engineers bust up Lighthouseateria weren’t bad enough, there is also a stipulation that the lighthouse can’t be used used for commercial purposes, which is what ultimately sank our plan. Selling Navigate Wisconsinbly merchandise was central to the entire endeavor.

If you’re affiliated with a group that meets the government’s arbitrary criteria and has a strong aversion to fun, you have until August 5th to complete your application.

And, if you happen to have an extra lighthouse you want to give us — one with no strings attached — please contact us directly. We have some pretty cool ideas for it.