Make way for the Bratwurstmobile

If you’re a fan of rolling hotdogs, get excited because the Oscar Mayer Frankmobile is going to be all over Wisconsin very soon. The company announced upcoming tour stops for their iconic meat wagon earlier this week.

The real scoop is that they changed the name of this literal public relations vehicle from the Wienermobile. Apparently, it coincided with a change to their recipe, but we’re not taking the bait. They can’t force us to think about hotdog composition, no matter how hard they try.

However, the news of the Frankmobile tour stops did make us wonder why there isn’t a Bratwurstmobile on the road.

This struck us as an untapped opportunity here in Brat Country, so we set up a meeting with Drink Wisconsinbly Department of Engineering and got to work designing one.

Since ol’ Oscar is probably quite litigious and we want something a little easier to park, we opted to give our vehicle a smaller and more manageable size than the Wienermobile. We chose a rectangular shape because having flat sides allows space to airbrush a sick mural on it. Early discussions centered around a knight on a horse holding a giant bratwurst instead of a lance, which we all agreed would be pretty sweet.

Then, we pushed the eye-catching exterior further by adding some mag wheels, flared fenders, chrome side pipes, and teardrop windows in back.

The design team insisted the inside of the bratwurstmobile should be plush, with wall-to-wall carpeting, full velour upholstery, colored lights, and fold-down seats for when, well, you know. And, of course, it’s gotta have a cassette deck with an eight-speaker sound system to play any new Foghat releases at full blast.

We ran the diagrams for our Bratwurstmobile past Doug at the Pub, who knows a lot about cars and welding and stuff. He informed us that we had designed a 1973 Dodge Tradesman custom van like the one he used to drive back in high school. He then smiled wistfully as he gazed off into the middle distance before humming songs off Frampton Comes Alive! for the next hour.

So, we may have to refine our plans a bit before the Bratwurstmobile becomes a reality. It’ll take a while to save up enough to build it anyway, so that’s cool. In the meantime, you can go check out the Frankmobile at various events around the state. If you do, be sure to tell Oscar that he’s gonna get totally dusted once the Bratmobile hits the streets.